My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
