If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
