If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
