Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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