There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
