Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
