i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
