One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
