i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
