Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
