I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bring money and cleavage
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
