Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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