Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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