did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize