Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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