1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
