I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
