I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.