i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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