Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
