So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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