first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
