why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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