I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
