actually, I'm a sock model
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Randomize
