matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
