He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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