My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
