You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
