I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
