apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His hands were made for my vagina.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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