I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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