I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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