wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
