Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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