Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
