first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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