I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
