Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
