are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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