you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
