I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
