When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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