I just threw up on my dentist
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
