They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
