Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
