dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
zippers are such a cool invention
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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