Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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