i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
