Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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