I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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