for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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