I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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