It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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