What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
