He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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