Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
