I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
