Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
did you just send me my own nude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
