Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
