im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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