she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize