he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
