I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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