i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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